I want to begin by saying that part of my lack of blogging lately has been fatigue, but part of it, I have to admit, comes from a little place inside that says “Come on, who cares about your journey? Who wants to hear the same old redundant stuff?”
I was reminded however, by our amazing coach through her Sunday Skinny this past weekend, that this blog isn’t just an interesting read or a way to connect or a documentation of my journey for everyone else. This blog is my journey, to keep me motivated, to help me look back when needed and remember how far I’ve come and set goals for how far I want to go. I may feel very irrelevant at times, very invisible in the big scheme of things, but my journey matters. Each post matters. If only one person sees one post and connects to one sentence and finds the will to begin or pick up or be inspired, that matters! Even if that person is myself.
If these posts are a bit redundant at times, that is good! That means I’m staying consistent and working every day.
That being said, I had a little break through this past week I’d like to share. You see, if you have followed my journey at all, you know what a monster the scale has been for me. I mean, just a beast of an ogre. I have worked my butt off for 10 months, adjusted my diet, my hydration, done the bikini body mommy challenge workouts and then turned around and run a 14 minute mile, daily. I have stepped on the scale and instead of seeing no change and being discouraged, I got pissed and worked harder. I have lost almost 30 inches in the last 10 months, but I have hovered in the same 7 – 8 pound zone the whole time. I have lost a little faith at times and wondered if I was not working hard enough, or being as honest as I needed to be. I have soul searched every day to make sure I am bringing my all to every aspect of every day. For the most part I feel like I have. Definitely my loss of inches has shown that I have.
Now, in my family, I’m the very last person to spend money on myself. I have been wearing the one and only pair of jeans this whole 10 months that I have, save for the “goal” pair I kept to see how my progress has been going. Needless to say, I am long over due for some clothes, especially as my belly has kind of popped out of control in the past week. I determined from day one of finding out I was pregnant again that I wasn’t letting myself be the frumpy preggo chic again, not for a 4th time. I’m spending time on myself exercising and eating right, I am going to spend money on myself, no excuses, and dress my body in clothes that fit and give me a feeling of confidence, no matter what the number on the tag says.
I have been wearing this one pair of size 14 jeans for months now, and they have been getting looser and looser, but they weren’t falling off of me, and since the scale wasn’t moving I was really dreading any clothes shopping. I kept telling myself I would buy clothes when the scale finally moved. And then my belly popped out and I realized I was going to have to do something. Thankfully those jeans had gotten loose enough to accommodate the insanity that is this early baby bump, but they were at their limit within a week. So off to the store I went this past weekend, a slight feeling of dread at the thought of those horrid full length dressing room mirrors and trying clothes on. I usually hate it because nothing ever fits right. Well, I was pleasantly surprised to find I didn’t look as terrible as I remembered in those usually awful mirrors and I had very little trouble finding a few pieces right away that looked fabulous. In fact, I was floored to find out I had dropped into a size 12 and could even barely squeeze into a 10. A 10!! I haven’t been able to pull a 10 over my thighs for years! I still had trouble doing so, but up they came even if it took a lot of effort. I realized that even pregnant, my typical lumps and trouble spots were greatly diminished or gone completely. I left the store feeling exuberated and thinking I really should shop for clothes more often. All this time, even losing all the inches, my mind was still programmed to let the number on the scale affect me to the point that I had no idea that I had dropped a full jean size. It was quite a revelation to me.
Another thing I did that left me feeling a little giddy was buy a pair of leggings for the first time in my life. I know, right? How have I survived the world of skinny jeans and leggings? Well, maybe that’s another reason I hate shopping, all you see everywhere are models and mannequins rocking skinny legs, and even at my thinnest, I’ll never have skinny legs, but these workouts have improved and toned my legs in a way they have not been since before I got married, and I am confident enough to rock out some leggings this season. I’m sure I could improve a lot, but I’m claiming this little victory. In fact, my biggest disappointment upon finding out I was pregnant was that I had been working at a major goal, to drop a pant size by Christmas. I thought I’d have to toss that out the window, completely not realizing I had already achieved that goal and won that victory.
Why do we doubt ourselves? Why do we let society’s ideals and standards mess with our heads? If there is one thing I’m wanting to convey through all this it is don’t doubt the power you hold to change into the person you want to be. Don’t let anything make you feel incapable. You ARE the most powerful force of change in your own life. No obstacle is greater than your will to succeed. No negative vibe is more powerful than your own positive thoughts and actions.
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Filed under: biography, life, Self Improvement, short and sweet | Tagged: baby, baby bump, BBM, Bikini Body Mommy, blog challenge, Briana Christine, clean eating, exercise, family, first trimester, fit mommy, fit pregnancy, fitness, health, honesty, hope, inspiration, kids, life, mom, personality, photo challenge, pregnant, support, weight loss, workout | 2 Comments »